Fergie should really be spending all of her time opening up thank you cards from the NBA (for getting their little event some much-needed attention) and the ancestors of Francis Scott Key and John Stafford Smith (for finally interpreting their song right by doing it like a cougar drunk on daiquiris at a strip mall jazz club open mic night). But Fergie somehow found time to put together a statement for the hating bitches with no taste who did not understand the stream of art that warbled out of her mouth at last night’s All-Star Game.
Fergie said in the statement she gave to TMZ that she took a risk. Kind of like the legendary time she took a risk by holding her piss and ended up pissing herself on stage. Only some will say that instead of letting out piss on the stage, she let out a turd onto the court. Fergie should’ve just said it was an anti-Trump performance art piece, but instead she shrugged and went the “I tried” route:
“I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA. I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.”
Deadspin has video from Scat Queen Fergie’s National Anthem rehearsal, and surprisingly, everyone’s just standing around instead of covering her mouth with their hands while proclaiming, “Bitch, don’t do this!” But fuck the haters, it was a weird masterpiece mess. Fergie should really have the last laugh by marketing her version of the National Anthem as a high-powered security alarm that will keep out criminals and everybody else with ears. Nobody will dare go near your house if they think it’s being guarded by a wild hyena in heat. She’d outsell Whitney Houston’s version!