Because everything can be explained with a parable from Sex And The City, remember that episode where Big takes Carrie to some high-falutin’ Upper East Side party with that WASPy chick with bad taste in jeweled purses but great taste in rich men with townhouses? And Carrie just feels left out and winds up on the balcony ripping butts with the cater waiter? That basically sums up how Justin Theroux felt about Jennifer Aniston before they split.
People is out with a report that says Justin checked out of his marriage months ago because of their different lifestyles (he’s edgy and downtown, and she’s ethereal and more Four Seasons spa). But it was only until recently when she admitted they were heading for a split because his ass was never around:
“It seems Justin gave up many months ago. For the past few months, he has spent very little time in L.A. Jen very recently started telling people that they were over. She seems okay now, but was still hoping as of a few weeks ago that they could figure things out.”
Another source tells People that Jennifer and Justin could never see eye-to-eye on a single coast to live on, which is such a conundrum considering their lack of access to private jets. Oh wait. One source even wondered why they got married in the first place since Justin was so gung-ho on New York, which Jennifer only liked NYC when she was getting paid $1 million an episode to play a character who lived there. The rest of the time she was that person who says, “West Coast, Best Coast!” That led to them spending a lot of time apart, per a source:
“Ever since they became serious, the living issue often made them bicker. It was always hard for Jen to understand why Justin didn’t like, or at least could learn to like L.A., when she was in L.A…. With Jen feeling so strongly about living in L.A. and disliking N.Y.C. so much, she wanted Justin to be happy and that’s why she agreed that he should spend so much time in N.Y.C.”
Despite the turf tiff, the duo did manage to squeeze in one last Valentine’s Day with each other before firing off their “we’re over” announcement to the Associated Press. They decided they would make the announcement the following day (romantic!) and see each other one last time. Part of me thinks it was to farewell fuck, but I actually think it’s because Justin saw that Sesame Street carcass on the nightstand from Jennifer’s Architectural Digest shoot and wanted to see in-person what kind of weird splitsville shit she was getting into.